Read the following passages and answer the following questions.
Is There Life on Earth?
Art Buchwald
There was great excitement on the planet of Venus this week. For the first time Venusian scientists managed to land a satellite on the plant Earth, and is has been sending back signals as well as photographs ever since.
The satellite was directed into an area know as Manhattan (named after the great Venusian astronomer Prof. Manhattan, who first discovered it with his telescope 20,000 light years ago). Because of excellent weather conditions and extremely strong signals, Venusian scientists were able to get valuable information as to the feasibility of a manned flying saucer landing on Earth. A press conference was held at the Venus Institute of Technology. "We have come to the conclusion, based on last week's satellite landing," Prof. Zog said, "that there is no life on Earth." "How do you know this?" the science reporter of the Venus Evening Star asked. "For one thing, Earth's surface in the area of Manhattan is composed of solid concrete and nothing can grow there. For another, the atmosphere is filled with carbon monoxide and other deadly gases and nobody could possibly breather this air and survive." "What does this mean as far as our flying sauce program is concerned?" "We shall have to take our own oxygen with us, which means a much heavier flying saucer than we originally planned." "Are there any other hazards that you discovered in your studier?" "Take a look at this photo. You see this dark black cloud hovering over the surface of Earth? We call this the consolidated Edison Belt. We don't know what it is made of, but it could give us a lot of trouble and we shall have to make further tests before we send a Venus Being there." "Over here you will notice what seems to be a river, but the satellite findings indicate it is polluted and the water is unfit to drink. This means we shall have to carry our own water, which will add even greater weight to the saucer." "Sir, what are all those tiny black spots on the photographs?" "We're not certain. They seem to be metal particles that move along certain paths. They emit gases, make noise and keep crashing into each other. There are so many of these paths and so many metal particles that it is impossible to land a flying saucer without its being smashed by one." "What are those stalagmite projections sticking up?" "They're some type of granite formations that give off light at night. Prof. Glom has named them skyscrapers since they seem to be scraping the skies." "If all you say is true, won't this set back the flying saucer program several years?" "Yes, but we shall proceed as soon as the Grubstart gives us the added funds." "Prof. Zog, why are we spending billions and billions of zilches to land a flying saucer on Earth when there is no life there? "Because if we Venusians can learn to breathe in an Earth atmosphere, then we can live anywhere."
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